2007 Washington Huskies Season Preview

The two most important aspects of this upcoming season have to be:

1) UW plays what is widely considered to be the most difficult schedule in all of college football. Yowza. This is good in that we could really make a statement by beating such quality opponents, but is terrifying as a season-opening loss to Syracuse could lead to an 0-7 start and a shitstorm of Gilbertsonian proportions.

Look at the schedule following the Syracuse game:

Sept. 8 BOISE STATE (Preseason Rank: 24)
Sept. 15 OHIO STATE (11)
Sept. 22 at UCLA (14)
Sept. 29 USC (1)

Good sweet God. Our freshman quarterback better grow up quickly.

Luckily that QB is this man:

Jake Locker:
A gun-slinging, bull-dozing, punkass-slapping

Which brings me to my second point:

2) Jake Locker. Jesus Christ. Jesus Locker. Jake Christ. Take your pick, it doesn’t matter – this kid is The Savior. Locker’s first start against Syracuse is the most anticipated debut of a Husky football player ever.

His mythical standing comes from leading Ferndale High School to a 14-0 record and the 3A state championship while throwing 27 touchdowns (and only 3 interceptions), rushing for 24 more, earning Parade All-American honors, and leading the league in demons cast into hell. The Jesus-Beast can do it all: run, pass, catch, kick, hold, long-snap, cure disabilities, walk on water, everything.

He’s the real deal.

How are the Syracuse defenders supposed to stop a guy who can conceive immaculately? Furthermore, I expect Locker to impregnate the Orange defense All. Night. Long. (and depending on the length of the game) ’til the break of dawn.


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