The Buckeyes Come to Town

The 10th Ohio State Buckeyes bring their 21-regular season game winning streak into Husky Stadium this Saturday for a full-on, gloves-off throw down against a rejuvenated, 2-0 Washington team. “The” Ohio State University (yea, it’s officially “The Ohio State University”, sort of like “the Google” and “the we take ourselves too seriously”) made it to the National Championship game last year where they were tied up and viciously beaten by Florida, 41-14. This team lost a ton of talent from that squad, but still has some serious playmakers on the defensive side of the ball, including linebacker James Laurinaitis and defensive end Vernon Gholston:

James Laurinaitis

My friend had to get a prescription for a topical cream to kill the Laurinaitis growing on his nether regions.

James Laurinaitis’ Father

The “pro” wrestler Laurinaitis had the nickname Animal. Seriously.

Vernon Gholston

I was trying to come up with a witty caption here, but I was too busy hiding under my bed.

The Buckeyes have one of the best defenses in the nation – if not the best defense. tOSU – that is the official abbreviation for the school with the “t” standing for “The”….is this university run by children? Evidently yes:

That kid is going to be one hell of a bisexual Buckeye cheer king someday.

Anyway, tOSU has given up an average of 4 points per game to opponents – although those opponents were the powerhouse combo of Youngstown St. and Akron.

The Buckeyes also have a very impressive running back in Chris Wells. One positive for the Huskies is that the tOSU quarterback is this no-talent assclown:


QB Todd Boeckman missed 5 games last year with constipation.

The Buckeyes are coached by Jim “Lord of the Sweater Vest” Tressel:

Tressel will have his own heated 1-on-1 battle for sweater vest-loving supremacy with our own infamous sweater vest-lover, Ty Willingham:











PREDICTION TIME

Vegas favors tOSU by 4.

College football pundit Phil Steele picks the Buckeyes, 20-10.

Seattle Times Husky reporter Benedict, er, Bob Condotta says tOSU 21-17.

Not everyone has their head up their ass on this one though. The respected sports projection gurus at Scouts Inc. take the Huskies 17-14, and 3 of the 5 “experts” on CBS Sportsline are predicting a Dawgs victory.

I will again turn to The Dawg Dude’s Patented PS2 NCAA Football Game Simulation System which has UW winning 28-10 with Jesus Locker going throwing for 126 yards and a TD and running for 89 yards and another touchdown. The Washington defense was the story of the afternoon, limiting tOSU to 194 total yards and making 11 tackles for loss, including 5 sacks.

UW should benefit from the loudest Husky Stadium since Miami lost here in 2000 and will gut out a very close win.

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Boise St. Game Highlights

BRONCO PUNCH’D!

Greyson Gunheim and the Husky defense led Washington to a 24-10 victory over Boise St. this afternoon at a raucous Husky Stadium.


Super Jake used his hands, feet, and preternatural ability to shred the BSU defense for 277 total yards and a pair of touchdowns.

The Husky offensive line opened up running lanes in the BSU defense like Jake Locker parts the Red Sea, or UW coeds legs.

Washington’s defense limited Broncos star running back Ian Johnson to 81 yards and forced four BSU turnovers.

Your team may have lost, but hey, at least you still look like an asshole.

It must suck to get beat up by the Husky defense all afternoon and then lose the post-game thumb wrestle.

Look for Ian Johnson to have a huge game next weekend after touching Jake.

SOME OBSERVATIONS

The game was quite a bit closer than the two-touchdown final score indicates. The Broncos drove into UW territory multiple times in the 4th quarter only to turn the ball over. The Huskies played the “bend but don’t break” defense perfectly by tightening up in the red zone and limiting the prolific BSU offense to only 10 points – their lowest output in 18 games.

Quarterback Jake Locker continued to spark man-crushes everywhere by winning his home opener, beating a Top 25 team, and mentioning he was close to curing prostate cancer in his post-game interview.

Brock Huard provided the color commentary for the Fox Sport Northwest broadcast and did a great job. I was bracing myself for the worst, but Huard was very articulate and knowledgeable – unlike co-host Brian Davis, who’s “4th down. No check that: 3rd down….it appears to be 2nd down. I’m sorry” comment cost the broadcast some respectability. It’s a damn shame Brock couldn’t commentate us to a Rose Bowl win.

The Boise State Pre-Game

The Washington Huskies welcome the 20th-ranked Boise St. Broncos to Montlake on Saturday for the first meeting ever betweenthese two schools. The Broncos own the nation’s longest winning streak at 14 games as well as the nation’s ugly field:

I find it disgusting that they play football on the site of the 1986 Smurf Massacre.

Boise St. became media darlings last year when they went 13-0 and stunned heavily favored Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl on a trick “Statue of Liberty” score in overtime. Many people (including me) consider that David vs. Goliath battle to be the greatest college football game they have ever watched. The contest was given even more of a Hollywood twist when star tailback Ian Johnson proposed to BSU cheerleader/girlfriend Chrissy Popadics on the field after the game:

Good to see that Ian is Living Strong.

Chrissy went from being a part-time waitress at the Greasy Spoon Diner in downtown Boise to the future wife of an NFL running back. Shrewd move, Popadics.

The Broncos have lost a lot of talent from last year’s undefeated team and are certainly beatable, especially when playing outside of their ridiculous stadium (BSU is 0-12 all-time when playing at BCS schools):

Where children play football.


Where adults play football.

I expect the Husky defense to contain Mr. Popadics and harass the Bronco’s first-year starting quarterback Taylor Tharp into making costly mistakes. On the offensive side of the ball, “The Chosen One” will find plenty of space to run through the Bronco D on his way to over 100 yards rushing.


PREDICTION TIME


Vegas says BSU by 3.

Bob Condotta of the Seattle Times says Huskies 35, Broncos 32.

The Dawg Dude’s Patented PS2 NCAA Football Game Simulation System predicts a 49-10 whitewashing by the Dawgs with Locker passing for 195 yards and a score and rushing for 93 yards and 4 touchdowns.

Husky Stadium will be rocking and the Huskies will move closer to a Top 25 ranking with the victory.

Syracuse Game Highlights

ORANGE CRUSH!

42-12! 30-point victory! The Savior!

Jesus Locker had a fantastic debut tallying 225 total yards and 2 touchdowns while the Husky defense held the Orange to 8 yards rushing and sacked Andrew “Red-Headed Step-child” Robinson seven times.

Syracuse coach Greg Robinson had difficulty watching his Orangeman get dry-humped up and down the field.

Louis Rankin ran wild for 147 yards and 3 scores.

Jordan Reffett perfected his Chicken Dance.

SOME OBSERVATIONS

First of all, the ESPN play-by-play crew of Sean McDonough, Chris Spielman, Colin Cowherd and Rob Stone was horrendous. Midway through the 1st Quarter, I was forced to cut the audio and turn on the sweet, sweet game-calling of Bob Rondeau on KJR 950 as McDonough’s annoying voice and misinformed opinions were making my ears bleed. And as a side note, McDonough looks remarkably like Yellow Bastard from Sin City:

Mrs. McDonough is one lucky lady.

Louis Rankin looked quicker than I’ve ever seen him before – particularly on his 47-yard touchdown run and on an option toss from Locker when he broke a tackle 5 yards behind the line of scrimmage, reversed upfield, hit the corner, and picked up a 17-yard gain.

The defensive line also had its best collective game in recent memory, allowing only 8 rushing yards and piling up 7 sacks – including two by Greyson Gunheim and 1.5 by a much-improved Caesar Rayford.

In the end, Syracuse fans showed their true colors (along with their hellaciously ugly uniforms) by continuing to be good sports even when their team was getting the Orange kicked out of them:

Stay Classy, Syracuse.

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