Oklahowned.

55-14 final. 34-0 at halftime. 48-7 at the start of the 4th. The only positive was that the Sooners didn’t break the Husky Stadium record for points scored by an opponent (Ty already set that record – giving up 56 to Cal in ’05).

But they probably could have scored 100 if they wanted to.

Don’t get me wrong: I hate all things Oklahoma more than Sarah Palin hates not firing people for pissing her off, but you had to come away impressed by OU’s performance on Saturday.

Except for that pre-game tunnel incident – what the hell was that? You stole our pro b-ball team, you have a much more successful college football program, and you’re pissed at us? If I didn’t know you were all Oxycontin-pounding, window-licking tubbies, I’d be really confused right now.

Anyway, my rally calls last week for this:

Sooner tears taste like friend pork skin and ignorance. Mmm…

Turned out more like this:

Is that a throatee? Man, guys with experimental facial hair and head wagons get all the bitches.

We may have lost our pride, dignity, and 113th defensive ranking, but at least we still have our beloved stereotypes:

Upset that he can’t eat the moon.
Great looking moo moo though.

Up next is Stanford in two weeks. If Ty loses to The Tree, he might as well pack up his stoicism, comportment, and sweater vests before we banish him to Oklahoma – where I hear Panhandle St. University is looking for a ropes course instructor.

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Okla-fucking-homa. Again.

While I can’t imagine anything better than beating the Sooners and wiping that gravy-smeared grin off the state of Oklahoma’s face, this really isn’t the fight we want right now.

Oklahoma is ranked #3 in the country, has a bigger, stronger, faster, better-coached football team, and is favored to win by 20.

Well, I say fuck that – We can beat these people:

I know, I know – their fans are adorable. Until you realize that cup is full of crystal meth. ‘Tis the season!

In what is truly the Darkest Hour in Seattle sports history, an upset win over the Okies would inject a much needed shot of Cortisone into the buttock of the Western Washington sports devotee. The combination of the Mariners’ epic failure, the Huskies’ ongoing inability to climb out of the Pac-10 cellar, the Seahawks’ snapping more bones than the pilgrims, and the Sonics leaving town (Where did they go again? The 8th fattest city in the country? Weird, I thought they were fatter) all add up to an unprecedented level of depression for the local sports supporter.

Making Sooner fans cry into their bowls of lard-slathered butter sticks wouldn’t cure this ailment, but it would be one hell of a start.

Sooner fans are growing at a unprecedented rate. This new supporter is being held by her 24 year-old grandmother. (Ah, the old, trusty pre-teen redneck sex joke – never lets you down.)

For the Huskies to win this game, they’ll have to play their best four quarters since beating #4 Miami in Husky Stadium back in 2000. It may be hard to believe in a Washington victory, but crazier things have happened…

Like these people getting away with stealing the Sonics:

And yes, their sex is great. Thanks for asking.

Larry Farina: Douchebag of the Year

The UW-BYU contest failed to be about the teams as head referee Larry Farina botched a game-deciding unsportsmanlike conduct call and made himself the story of the game.

The “penalty” occurred after Jake Locker scrambled 3 yards for a score with 2 seconds remaining which capped an epic 17-play drive and appeared to push the game into overtime.

After Locker lunged across the goal line he tossed the ball into the air and began jumping while embracing his teammates. Farina then threw a flag for “unsportsmanlike conduct”, the Huskies were forced to kick a 35-yard field goal, which was blocked, and the players, coaches, and fans were all robbed of a legitimate, overtime finish to the contest.

Hey Larry, where was the penalty after an earlier BYU touchdown when the receiver threw the ball between his legs after the score? And a 5-yard “excessive celebration” penalty wasn’t enough on this one? You had to go with the “unsportsmanlike conduct” call as Locker was obviously trying to antagonize BYU? History has shown that Jake is a major showboat so I’m glad you taught him a lesson. Isn’t there an MTV Rock ‘n Jock flag football game you can go ref? We don’t need this shit in the Pac-10.

Fox Sports Northwest commentators Barry Tompkins and Petros Papadakis were stunned by the call and strongly criticized the referees. Off the record, Papadakis said, “it was the worst call I’ve seen in my life.”

It should be said that the referees weren’t the only party at fault for this loss. The defense gave up 475 yards and allowed the Cougars to convert 12 of 14 third down plays.

The 28-27 loss is just another blow to Husky fans who are becoming accustomed to miserably depressing Saturdays. And #4 Oklahoma is rolling in here next week. Maybe Clay Bennett can ref that one.

Here Come the Cougars!

Watch out! The “Mormons on a Mission” are rolling into Seattle with only one thought on their collective mind – and it’s not beer, women, tobacco, caffeine, self-pleasure, or freedom of choice – it’s beating the Huskies.

The Cougars are coming off an impressive 11-2 season capped by a win over UCLA in the Las Vegas Bowl (boy, I bet the BYU players had fun there…). Brigham Young is currently ranked 15th in the country and possess a very dangerous offense led by former Arizona St. quarterback, Max Hall. Last week, the junior threw for 486 yards and 2 touchdowns and hit over 80% of his passes, although he failed to hit this after the game:

UW’s young defense is going to struggle to keep BYU out of the endzone which will force Locker and the Husky offense to put up a lot of points to stay in the game. UW’s offensive line should have a more favorable matchup against the Cougar defensive line than it had last Saturday against Oregon’s. Hopefully, the OL will be able to open up running lanes and we’ll get to see what much hyped running back Chris Polk can do in some space.

BYU’s offense isn’t the only diverse thing about the school.

Oh my bad, it is.

Most pundits are picking a close, high-scoring game with the Cougars coming out on top. UW wants this game badly as a) it’s the home opener and b) Willingham’s job security is falling faster than a fat kid off a diving board and presumably, he will coach with a little more fire than usual to keep his 1.47 mil salary checks coming in. However, BYU also wants this game as the team (and quite a few analysts) believes they can be the non-BCS team to go undefeated and play in a BCS bowl this year, and a Pac-10 road game is a major obstacle on the path to that goal.

I expect this contest to be much closer than last week, but I don’t know if Washington has the experience and coaching ability to grind out a victory. We may not agree on a prediction for the game, but I’m sure we can all agree on this, do not fuck with these motherfuckers:

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