UW’s Recruiting Class: Highly Ranked and Beefy

The class was highlighted by #6 rated safety Sean Parker’s signing day decision to bitchslap USC and Michigan and become a Husky. Parker joins a group of 30 highly regarded players including #4 defensive tackle Sione Potoae, #5 guard Erik Kohler, and #9 guard Colin Porter (that’s over 900 pounds of dude right there.)

The Huskies have been struggling with line play for years, so the addition of these stud recruits is huge. And they aren’t merely big guys, they also have the agility to sneak into your house, fuck your wife, and escape unnoticed.

Sione is the #4 defensive tackle in America. His biceps alone are ranked #17.

Coach Sark held down the state of Washington by picking up 5 of the state’s top 7 recruits. And while he lost out on Washington’s top prospect, Quarterback (and Brighamite) Jake Heaps, Sark secured the commitment of highly regarded SoCal QB Nick Montana. Yes, Nick is the son of Joe Montana and his genetics are flawless. Take a peak at the Montanas on a recent beach outing:

The only thing smoother than Nick Montana’s throwing motion is his dad’s chest.

Mother Montana is a total MILFDIB (Mother I’d Like to Forge a Deep and Intimate Bond with).

Fun Fact: Nick Montana’s nipples majored in Glass Cutting.

So while Jake Heaps is the higher ranked QB prospect, I’ll take Nick and the fact that he doesn’t belong to a cult that believes some d-bag pulled the word of God out of a magic hat.

Now with Repression!

Sarkisian also made major strides in Hawaii by picking up four of the state’s top recruits – no one has hit the islands this hard since the Japanese Imperial Navy. Too soon?

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3 Responses

  1. This post made laugh out loud. More, please.

  2. mother i'd like to f***ing do in the butt?

  3. Big time class! Love the Hawaii pipeline!

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