UPDATE: Oregon’s Convict Backfield

Big news out of Eugene yesterday. So big that it compelled TheDawgDude to turn off the midget farm porn he was watching and write a post. And believe you me, it takes a whole lot to pull me away from TinyTimsEnumclawHorseParty.com. 

Anyway, Oregon’s star quarterback Jeremiah “Macstoli” Masoli has been formally charged with felony burglary and star running back LaMichael James will change his “not guilty” plea to “no contest”on domestic violence charges. There is a very good chance that both players will be suspended for the year if not kicked off the team. I bet this asshole is bumbed:

I would keep my kids at a much safer distance – those gloves were ergonomically designed for molesting.

As these developments are major national stories in college football, Oregon’s head coach (and Satan’s personal knob shiner), Chip Kelly, will have to soon make a decision on what to do with the players that account for 187% of the Ducks offense. We’ve seen Chippy act tough when a barely-used player (Jamere Holland) posts his dislike of a fellow player’s (Kiko Alonzo) suspension on Facebook as Holland was immediately booted off the team following this heinous offense.

But on the other hand, starting running back LeGarrette Blount punches an opposing player in the face on ESPN and gets “suspended for the year” only to return at the end of the season when Oregon needed him. So we’ve yet to see Chipperville bring down the hammer on a player who doesn’t suck.

It appears that the only way Chip will kick a star player off the team is if he take’s Chip’s mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never calls her again.

With the utter lack of institutional control down at Nike U., there is only one man who can clean up the situation:

The green with the yellow piping really makes Ty’s hypocrisy pop.

However, there is a silver lining in all this for Oregon – the Ducks are skyrocketing up the Fulmer Cup standings and have a very real shot at capturing the 2010 trophy. The most recent charges haven’t even been added yet and Oregon is a paltry two points behind the Duke football team’s shooting spree (Shooting spree at Duke? Geez, your lacrosse team rapes one stripper and now you think you’re the badasses of the NCAA…) Go Ducks!

One Response

  1. That's what I'm talking about!!!

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