Get To Know a D-Bag: Marquette

While UW got unjustly slapped with an 11 seed, Marquette is generally seen as a weak 6 seed making this 6/11 match up a close call for oddsmakers. Most lines have Marquette favored by only 1-2 points. Factor in that this game is playing played in the Husky-friendly location of San Jose and it’s pretty clear that it’s going to be a close contest.

So I bet you’re asking, “who are these assclowns from the Midwest anyway?”

“Oh, gross…did you see that guy’s balls?” 
“Yeah…they were weird looking.”

Well, I’ve got answers. First of all, Marquette is located in the beautiful, cosmopolitan city of Milwaukee. And like my grandma always said, “I’d rather be dead in Seattle than alive in Milwaukee.”

The basketball team had a decent year – putting up a 22-11 overall record and 11-7 in the Big East. And as I’m sure you’ve heard ESPN say a million times, “the Big East is by far the best conference in the land, they could beat Pac-10 teams while blindfolded, hands tied behind their back, and quadriplegic” and whatever else ESPN can manage to mumble while deep throating the Big East’s collective cock. But I digress, Marquette is pretty good…

…for a bunch of ratards.

The greatest basketball player to ever come out of Marquette is none other than former Sonics phenom, Jim McIlvaine. Jimmy Mac was so good that Seattle paid him $33.6 million bucks – a sum that enraged the much less talented Shawn Kemp to such a degree that he demanded to be traded.

Jimmy Mac showing Shaq his signature move.

Some may disagree and say that Dwyane Wade is the best player from Marquette. I might even agree with them if I knew who that was (I forsaked the NBA after it sodomized Seattle).

Oh, Dwyane Wade! The guy with the absurdly spelled first name! Ortherwise known as this 6 foot 4 mass of complaints and infidelities:

Anyway, the Golden Eagles are a fast tempo, guard-driven squad led by their head coach and magical leprechaun, Buzz Williams:

I know I may take some heat for this, but I still support the measure to bar fightin’ leprechauns from college athletics (yeah, you inferred correctly, Notre Dame – that’s a “Fuck you”.)

What Marquette doesn’t have is a balls deep bench like the Huskies. If UW can push a furious pace, the Golden Eagles could get into foul trouble and/or tire in the 2nd half.

Yea, she is cute. Until she gives you syphilis in an Applebees’ bathroom.
Luckily we don’t have to worry about contracting syphilis from these ladies as you and I wouldn’t fuck them with Jim McIlvaine’s dick.

One Response

  1. Alright, who said this post was boring? I would like to know what you 5 thrill seeking individuals find entertaining? Either you're a bunch of sick and twisted cretins who enjoy kitten snuff porn…OR you're all adrenaline junkies whose idea of a fun Friday night involves motorcycle stunts…on a plane…while strung out on meth. Eat it you twisted Travis Pastrana wannabes.

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