Nursing the Hangover

Like recovering from a week-long bender or seeing a naked picture of Courtney Love (that your friend emailed you under the guise of Bar Refaeli), the hangover from the BYU loss has nearly lifted after three days (I didn’t link to the Courtney Love pic because I’m not a monster).

Obviously the team didn’t perform as well as we wanted, but hopefully a lot of that poor play was due to BYU being a more formidable opponent than we thought – case in point, the Cougars are now ranked #24 in the USA Today Top 25. It’s also comforting that none of the victorious BYU players got laid after the game.

“I can offer you a firm handshake, light pecking, or maybe if you really play your cards right, a through-your-football-pants handy.”

Now it’s time to focus on the Syracuse Orange and their whack ass nickname, mascot, and hole of a town they crawled out of (believe me, I spent way too much time in that area).

“Get to Know a D-Bag: Syracuse” will be released soon, but just to whet your appetite, here are some highlights from the last time we beat their ass (DISCLAIMER: the first 10 seconds of the video could make your eyes bleed, but you’ll be fine after that):

Oh, and a few more clicks on’s Husky highlight video wouldn’t hurt either.


Not Quite There Yet

Well, this just sucks. It was pretty clear from the beginning of the game that Washington was the more talented team on the field, but brutal mistakes (mostly on special teams) crippled the Huskies. I don’t want to be overly negative here, but I’ll just lay out my thoughts:

1) Special teams. Holy shit, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen special teams this terrible throughout an entire game. Besides Folk’s 54-yard field goal, this was an absolute embarrassment. Roughing the kicker? A snap into the endzone? Multiple follies on kickoff returns? Johnny Nansen should be done as special teams coach as far as I’m concerned – stick to D-line and recruiting.

And Chris Polk shouldn’t take a kickoff return for the rest of the year. He shouldn’t have been back there in the first place – what the fuck is your starting RB doing returning kickoffs? Show me that in the NFL. This one is on Coach Sark.

Figure it out, guys – this one was an F.

2) Jake, if you’re a legit NFL prospect, you gotta play a lot better than this. Overthrows, underthrows, and delayed decisions all came back today. This looked like the Locker from early ’08. Though to be fair, his receivers weren’t helping him out much either.

3) Sark’s playcalling. It was great on the initial drive – that handoff to Callier on 3rd and 8 was brilliant. But why did we abandon Polk for huge stretches of the game? Clearly the designed runs for Locker were not working (11 carries for 29 yards – 2.6 ypc) while Polk was having a lot of success running the ball (16 carries for 92 yards – 5.8 ypc).

At least Husky Hero, Gavin Keefe, brought his A game to Provo.

It just blows when UW has more talent than an opponent, but can’t figure out how to beat them. Obviously the players need to execute better, but it’s on the coaches to devise a gameplan to win against a less talented team. The road monkey is most certainly still on the backs of this UW team – and it only gets tougher with upcoming road games against USC, Arizona, and Oregon.

Am I the only one who would pay two grand to kick this dork in the face?

While this was a major wasted opportunity, we (and I’m mostly talking to myself here) have to keep the season in perspective and realize that a bowl game and a respectable year are still very attainable. The pipe dream of a 10+ win season might not happen, but the 8-win season that I wanted before this shart of a game is definitely still possible.

Here’s to slaughtering Syracuse next week and getting this awful, Brighamite taste out of our mouths.

Get to Know a D-Bag: BYU

Brigham Young University: the land of no sex, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, facial hair, candy, hugs, fun, or independent thought. Don’t let this lovable kitten fool you – these folks will damn you to hell while sitting in your own living room wearing a pair of $8 slacks and a grin from ear-to-ear.
But we’ll get back to them later. The football team has won 10+ games in each of the last four seasons. Bronco Mendenhall is 49-15 (including 25-5 at home) in his five years of running the program. BYU is a well-coached and disciplined team that almost always gives opponents a good game. 
It doesn’t hurt that the “Notre Dame of the West” has a team full of players that are two years older on average than their opponents. After BYU players get back from their two-year mission of harassing heathens around the globe, they are physically and mentally more mature (all that browbeating hardens one’s soul) than their younger counterparts.

Oddly enough, 63 year-old Romney is younger than many BYU players.

The 2010 Cougars are not as strong as they could be after BYU all-time leading rusher, Harvey Unga, removed himself from the school after breaking the university’s Honor Code. BYU then chose not to reinstate him. So what did Unga, one of the best football players ever at BYU, do to get booted from the school? Steal a laptop? Marijuana possession? Cursing out the coach on his Facebook account? Nope, that’s Oregon territory. Unga did the unthinkable: had sex with his longtime girlfriend.

I know what you’re thinking: kicking him out of school is nothing – we should give him a 20-year prison stay. 30, even. This consenting adult had sexual relations with another consenting adult after being engaged in a three-year relationship. Fuck jail – obviously Utah still has the death penalty.

But to be fair, it’s situations like Unga’s that makes Mormonism my third favorite cult behind Heaven’s Gate and the Branch Dividians. And the best part is Utah leads the nation in porn consumption.

When Coach Sark attended BYU, he also had some issues with the Honor Code – reportedly not being a big fan of the mandatory daily shave (for some reason this link doesn’t work with Firefox – the Mormons must have added the web browser to their Ban List).

That may be. Luckily we accept other ethnicities into our university. (Yeah, yeah, yeah, Unga is Tongan, but you get my point. Don’t get your chastity belt in a bunch.)

So here’s wishing the Huskies go into Provo on Saturday and kick some BYU ass. Not just for the University of Washington and its fans, but for heathens, pagans, and sinners everywhere.

Go Dawgs! Presents:

The Brett Hundley Story

UW or UCLA? Conjecture on Brett Hundley’s commitment is flying around like ignorance at a Glenn Beck rally. What we do know is that the highly-touted QB announced on Facebook that he has made his decision (shortly after a visit to UCLA) and will be announcing his choice on September 6th. He also did not make his scheduled trip up to UW this weekend – rumors range from a missed flight, to a failed attempt at flying standby, to simply canceling the trip.

The general consensus the last day or so has been that Hundley is leaning towards UCLA (recruitnik Brandon Huffman and others), but there have been rumblings today that his pick could be Washington (for example, Sark tweeted his signature “Woof, woof, woof!” at 2:40pm which generally means good news is on the way. *Update: that tweet was most likely about the commitment of 3-star CB Joel Willis). has the exclusive on the report that Hundley was spotted drinking a Purple Berry Cherry Slurpee this afternoon which has to bode well for UW. But then again, there were reports this morning of trace amounts of powder blue in the quarterback’s stool, so he clearly he could still be leaning UCLA.

Will Hundley’s stools tip off his choice? (And yes, I strongly considered posting a photo of powder blue-accented shit. God knows the internet is littered with them.)

Ultimately, we just don’t know the decision Hundley is going to make. He has played his entire recruitment pretty close to the vest and has handled this major life decision with a ton of a class (the anti-Terrence Jones if you will).

Obviously, getting the #6 QB in the country (according to Scout) would be awesome and would greatly improve the 2011 class, but UW has a nice combo in Keith Price and Nick Montana as well as a possible backup option in Richmond, IL QB Adam Pittser (ranked as the #24 QB). Not to mention Mercer Island QB Jeff Lindquist who could be one of the top ranked QBs in next year’s class.

Wait, fuck that, this just in: Hundley stopped to pet a husky on a jog through Tumbleweed Park near his home in Chandler, AZ. Oh yeah. He’s a Dawg. Book it.

Kasen’s Coming to Montlake, Trick.

Sorry for the delay on the post – I was busy marinating in the Kasen Williams decision and fantasizing to Husky porn about beating Nebraska to start the season 3-0 and break into the Top 15. Let’s just say that if Mrs. TheDawgDude wanted to bump uglies later, she’s going to be disappointed.

Skyline’s stud wide receiver joins Austin Seferian-Jenkins as the first two of the much-anticipated Big Three Husky recruits. Now the focus is snagging Brett Hundley away from UCLA head coach/Ellen DeGeneres impersonator, Rick Neuheisel:

I know, I know. At first you were like, “Rick doesn’t look like Ellen DeGeneres…” and now you’re like, “Holy shit, Neuheisel does look like a lesbian. Only with a better haircut.”

*UPDATE on the Rick DeGeneres story (courtesy of Rainier):

The commitments of ASJ, Kasen, and hopefully Hundley could lead to one of the best recruiting hauls in Washington history. Top SoCal talents like DeAnthony Thomas, Viliami Moala, and Antwaun Woods could realistically jump aboard the program that is clearly the Pac-10’s rising star.

Kasen is the one that’s good at football. Yeah, take that personally, Heaps – you’re supposed to.

One week ’til BYU! Good time to be a Dawg!

Report: Dillon Baxter is a Liar, Has Kid ‘n Play Haircut

ESPN confirmed in a report today (pay story) that USC freshman running back Dillon Baxter simply made up allegations that Washington (among other schools) illegally contacted him after USC was put on a 2-year bowl ban.

Baxter was talking to friends at other universities when he got the idea to fabricate a story that Washington, Florida, Alabama, Michigan, and Fresno St. had contacted him about transferring. This prompted USC’s lameduck athletic director, Mike Garrett, to reprimand the five schools for improper contact. It’s not clear what Baxter was trying to accomplish by lying – maybe he thought he could start a bidding war between Kiffin and Saban and get some of that Reggie Bush money.

Garrett has since apologized and Baxter has been suspended for the Trojans’ season opener against Hawaii. While this report of false accusations is disturbing, it doesn’t come close to the firestorm set off by Baxter’s personal grooming choices:

Hey Dillon, 1990 called and they want their hair back.
Hey Kid, Sherwin Williams called and he wants his Maple Sugar 2160-30 back.

Questions are swirling: Is it supposed to be ironic? Is Baxter too young to appreciate Kid’s talents in the House Party series? Was there a clipping accident?

Even Kid has shorn the err of his ways:

Sidenote: Obama credits the “Kid Bump” for sealing his presidential victory.

Instead of traveling to Hawaii with the team, hopefully Baxter will take a good, long look at himself and come up with a more current coiffure. And stop making up crazy shit that makes him look even more like a jackass.

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