Prez Emmert Bolts for them Big Ass NCAA Dollars

The toupee is considering remaining at UW.

At least in the athletic world, Dr. Mark Emmert has been a controversial figure in his time at the University of Washington. While volleyball, softball, and crew all won national championships during his reign, UW also saw its worst stretch of football ever (17-54).  

When he became president of UW, many believed that Emmert would cure the woes of the football program as he had recently hired Nick Saban, who won a national championship in 2003, while chancellor at LSU. Instead the doctor hired Todd Turner as athletic director and Tyrone Willingham as head coach…I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Emmert looking debonaire in a dress shirt by Brooks Brothers, suspenders by Jacquard, and eyebrows by Yeti.

Turner and Willingham teamed up to become an unstoppable force of football ineptitude. From Turner stating that Washington should be more like Oregon to Willingham “Suddenly Seniorizing” half the team, this dynamic duo rang the death knell all the way to a winless season in 2008.

Willingham in an entire ensemble by Douche.

It’s weird, after Turner was fired, er, resigned, I never think about him except when a spade and neutered PSA comes on the TV.

Nad-less since ’51.

Much like the semen stains at the soon-to-be-closed Lusty Lady, the memories of Turner and Willingham can never be fully scrubbed clean. However, let’s not forget that Prez Emmert did also hire Scott Woodward and Coach Sark, who have helped UDub Football crawl out of its shallow grave.

And even if you’re not a big fan of Woodward, or as I like to call him, Frowny McCringestein, you have to agree that we’re much better off now than when Barbara “12 Inch Strap-on” Hedges was gangbanging the football program with a bunch of NCAA investigators:

 My scrotum just hid under my bed.

So the big question is, are UW sports (and let’s be honest, that’s really just football and to a lesser extent basketball) better off without Emmert?

I think you have to say “no”. Emmert is much more interested in sports, and football in particular, than most UW presidents and while he made some hiring blunders and hasn’t gotten much traction for a new Husky Stadium, Emmert has been more supportive of the cash cow collegiate sports than most Upper Campus academics.

Hopefully UW will pick another football-friendly president to succeed Emmert and the long awaited turnaround of the football program can continue unhindered. Oh and good luck, Dr. Emmert, and congrats on the $2 million a year salary – don’t forget to put the hammer down on U$C and give Kentucky basketball the death penalty.

Speaking of basketball, Terrence² announces its decision tomorrow – cross your fingers!

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