An Apology

Here at, we like to have our fun, crack a little wise, chew some fat, and occasionally slap the wiggle, but I’d like to take a moment and get serious for a minute. This topic has been hotly debated all over the Husky blogosphere over the last few days and I’d carry guilt to my grave if I didn’t come clean about it now.

I was the blogger who jeopardized Coach Sark’s open practices by discussing specific plays and coach/player conversations. Did I think it would set off this firestorm? Absolutely not. Do I feel bad about it? You bet your UW boxer brief-hugged ass.


I talked to Sark and we sorted it out. He was a little hurt, I was a little hurt, but in the end, Coach knows that he still heats up my nights and cools down my showers. Because of that, I feel comfortable sharing the cause of our dust up with you. And unfortunately, but unsurprisingly, that cause once again involves Ms. Lohan’s wizard sleeve. Here is the specific play:

Horrifying, I know. But I’m glad to see the Husky coaching staff is preparing for the most vicious opposition imaginable. Here are a few excerpts from conversations between coaches and players regarding running plays against a defense as savage and feral as the Firecrotch:

Offensive Line Coach Dan Cozzetto
“Sylvester! You better get up there and help Schaefer face up that labia cuz it’s gonna make a TREMENDOUS push up the middle. You show me an o-lineman who thinks he can handle LiLo’s labia one-on-one and I’ll show you a GODDAMN LIAR.

Kelemete! Habben! Watch for cellulite off the edge – it’ll be coming fast and coming strong, and if you don’t watch yourself, you’ll be on the ground staring up at it.”

Running Backs Coach Joel Thomas
“Polk, you’re going deep into the FUPA. DO NOT LOOK BACK! Believe me, you won’t like what you see.”

Quarterbacks Coach Doug Nussmeier
“Jake, it’s going to be tough to keep your composure on this one. That defense looks like a clown twisted a bunch of cow tongues into an octopus. But this ain’t no 5 year-old’s birthday party on the line, it’s your NFL career. I guarantee if you get sacked by that fleshy beast, you’re not getting up.”

Again, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Oh yeah, and to whoever is actually describing practice specifics on the internet, go kill yourself.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: